If you have children, you will need to address their needs and concerns, especially if they have difficulty in coming to terms with the illness.
Children, however, are far less fragile than might be thought, and are capable of understanding and accepting difficult and painful realities, which is all part of growing up.
So you should not try to protect your children by hiding your MS, but rather engage them in open and honest communication about the condition; what it means for you; how it will affect them and the family as a whole.
Knowledge and trust is a great way to start out on this journey together.
Below are a few tips on how you can help your children better understand the disease and reassure them about any lifestyle changes that the family needs to make:
- Always be open with your children, answering any questions they may have;
- Read up on MS and talk about it with your children;
- Do not make children take on a consoling or comforting role, as this is unfair; and
- Ensure that your children’s routine does not alter too much.
How your children may feel
Children will understandably worry about you and possibly fear the worst about your condition, ultimately stressing that you will die. This is very rare, and education on the disease, particularly including your children in consultancies with your physician, is the best way to overcome these concerns.
They may also be frustrated that you are unable to keep up with them or to make commitments the way other parents can. Some children may also feel ashamed and embarrassed to go out in public with a parent who requires assistance with a cane or uses a wheelchair. As well as talking to them from your perspective, ask your children questions about what they are thinking and try to allay some of their concerns.
In answering their questions, take into consideration your child's age, intelligence and maturity, and don't overwhelm them with information they won’t understand, or necessarily need to know. If you have more than one child, sit them down at different times and talk to them: this will allow you to address them at their level, and answer their own specific concerns and questions.
The best advice is to talk to them about your illness in the context of their life, and that of the family. It shouldn’t become the overriding focus of family life, just another factor to consider.
